My Life is "Hard"

Remember the day

Heaven came splashing down

On rooftops, on cars?

With upturned faces, soft and dry

We looked upon it

Vulnerable to glass panes

Streaked with rage.

I opened the window

And stuck my hand outside

My, was that a doosie!

:/

I Loved Him

I loved him, was in love with him.

It’s a weird thing to say now--now that I’m, well, not. But I did. I loved him.

I loved him matter-of-factly, in a way that recognized his immediate positive attributes. “He has such a strong allegiance to family, to friends, to the idea of friendship. He is goofy yet serious, adventurous yet stable.”

I loved him abstractly, in a way that exalted his potential qualities. “He will make a good father. His dedication to work will surely result in success. If ever I became famous, how grand he would look on my arm!”

I loved him hopelessly, in a way that examined his face, his body, his lifestyle, and thought, “Me? He picks me?” A love that verged on desperation, which felt itself doomed to loss and desperately feared to lose.

I loved him egotistically, reveling in the positive qualities his shining eyes reflected back at me. Spritely, intelligent, witty, creative. “She’s a charmer, she is, the most beautiful girl in the room. Easy to be around. One stepping-stone away from screaming success.” That vision of me—I loved him for creating that. And yet…

I loved him for many reasons, but I never loved him quietly, simply, unripplingly, nor he toward me.

And that love—the soft love—never came.

A Strange Estrangement

She lies there, topless

Arm draped across her breast

Looking longingly, looked at longingly

Smooth, tight skin

From an arched back

Displaying circle stretched oval

Begging to be touched

Prickling with anticipation

Anticipating prickling

Overwhelming feelings

Divorced from species’ origin

That in sating the long

She grows thick and fat

Shunting another

To claim her smooth place

I care so much (Just not enough to want you)

I care so much.

Hear my voice quiver. Hear my words tremble and fall like leaves in a storm, haphazardly and without control. Could this happen if I didn’t care?

Hear my joyous exclamations at your uniquely sonorous tongue drenching me in your melody once more, to know that you’re alright. I knew you’d be alright, but what relief to know for sure! Hear me sigh in relief.

There’s so much to tell you—stumbling blocks and successes, family developments. The family asks about you often, you know. They’ll be thrilled to know you’re alright.

In an hour I’ll be crying—no, really—engorged tears welling up from the bottomless spring of affection recessed in sacrosanct folds of my heart—the metaphorical one. You meant so much to me; forever will you mean so much to me.

I care so much.

Forced Brutality

For anyone who has felt compelled to be more brutally honest than they ever cared to be...

You made me do it

Begged me cut your heart

A serrated start

Swallowed hilt to tip

Finished with a twist

Nay one foot apart

Rigor swears my mark

Bit by bit you quit

Were there other means!

I tried piercing eyes

Nuanced language teemed

Heavy still you leaned

Denial’s unwise

Turning friends to fiends

Be My Little Secret

Be my little secret

I'll slip into the black

Destinedly clandestine

Meet you at the crossroads

Where one night’s shadow palms

A dawn with other suns

Let me take you here

Where they can’t see for sleeping

Laughing over crystal

Clinking, sly eyes gleaming

Stolen moments in this

World of our own making

Last kiss, I race morning

Perhaps once, we’ll hold fast

Emerging as our dawn’s stars

Bow before the sun

But until we are won

Be my little secret,

Treasure, my private pleasure

Be my little joy

Untitled

Thought bubbled to my brain again

Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, Pop!

It showed its little face, then ran,

A child unrestrained.

I followed, watched it spin and laugh

And after moment’s revelry,

Plop well-worn on the ground.

I poked the Thought and up it sprang,

Spraying pale reflections

That lay twinkling in its wake.

One by one they flared and poof!

Their glow passed on to memory,

Earth-nestling shooting stars.

More! I cried, And faster!

And I took Thought’s slender fingers

And I slipped them through my own,

And I begged my Thought to dance a while

To spin and laugh and dance.

Laugh indeed Thought did at me

And winked its little face

And chasséd across the dance floor

Til Thought dissolved to bubbles

Floating off, mere memory

I’ll do it by myself! I cried out

To my fairest friend

So I spun—one, two—

And I laughed—Ha, Ha—

And I coughed up stark reflections

That thumped solid on the ground.

I nudged them with my toe

Lackadaisically they turned

Uninspired teens rolling eyeballs at the man