The Wall Fly

WARNING: SELF-INDULGENT

Do you ever have the experience of looking at yourself from a third party perspective—the “fly on the wall” approach?

You sit, having a conversation with someone. Then instead of being invested in the moment, you are up above your own head, watching yourself, like a fly on the wall. “Lookee here,” your fly says. It evaluates the environment, your body language, the way you are interacting with your partner. It approves or disapproves. It is an outsider, a judge.

I am a fly tonight. But instead of watching myself engage in a fight, instead of shaking my head in disbelief at a ridiculous antic, instead of applauding the way I handle a high-pressure situation, I watch myself lie in bed and think.

I don’t begin as the fly. At first, I simply lie in bed, on my stomach, eyes closed. I think about tomorrow. I think about getting up at 6 am every day. I think about being a cog in the wheel of the machine. I ask myself how I can turn my life into something I love instead of something I tolerate. Then I become the fly.

“If anyone were to look at you right now,” the fly says, “they would see a girl, lying on her stomach, face turned to the left, eyes closed, by all accounts sleeping. They would have no idea about this torrid world in your fully conscious head. They wouldn’t see the vibrant colors of brown rats dashing perpetually forward on red wheels in grey steel cages, churning, churning, and going nowhere. You would convey nothing but a vacant vessel of recharging atoms.”

The fly’s thoughts make me feel omniscient—I know the truth! I am recognized for who I truly am, what the outer world cannot see!

And then, the shock. I am not outside of my body, looking down on a steadily breathing girl with closed eyes. No. I am inside my body, inside my mind. My fly judge is just as trapped inside me as the girl it watches. After all, there is no evaluative activity outside of the brain. The fly bangs against the inside of my cranium. “Let me out!” it screams. “I want to go back on the roof! I want to watch her sleeping and thinking and trying to make sense of the world!” It finds it cannot crash through the skull bone and migrates behind the face. It moves behind the sclera, the soft casing that prevents the eyeball from popping out of its socket hole in the hard skull. The fly wants to scratch its way out.

No, fly. You never were on the roof. You were always in my head. You were always in the bubble of thought you thought you were observing. You can’t get out. No, until I get up, until I write my thoughts down, there is nothing to see but a sleeping girl, even if she does not sleep. She sleeps. So jump up, sleeping girl, and tell the fly to write this down. The only way to get outside of your skull is to get inside someone else’s!

The People's Party: A Manifesto

A Party Of the People, By the People and For the People

We Believe:
That whether or not God exists, we face a nation of people that need to be governed effectually and fairly, promoting the highest form of self-realization and fulfillment while at the same time protecting individual rights. The government must refrain from institutionalizing the beliefs of sectarian orders, and only legislate on that which remains common to all.

We Believe:
That the government should be socially liberal and fiscally responsible.
By socially liberal, we mean that the government should protect the right of people to choose their own way of life, as long as it does not infringe upon the rights of others.
By fiscally responsible, we mean that the government should do everything in its power to provide equality of opportunity for health care, education, and all the basic necessities that allow a person to make the most of their potential, but not mire the country in debt because of irresponsible, ineffectual government programs.

We Believe:
That the problems we face in the modern era are gross and complex, but that the best choices are made through informed decisions. We demand less rhetoric and more factual debate in social media. We ask the media, when introducing an "expert," to inform us of their political and economic ties, and how that may influence their position. We ask to always be presented with both sides of an argument, even when the argument goes against our basic platform.

We Believe:
That our lives are as valuable as the lives of another. We promote humanitarian practices in the production of our commodity and energy sources.

We Believe:
That the old model of nation-state is an antiquated model for human political, economic and social interactions. We live in an increasingly globalized world, which increases the responsibility to cooperate on issues from nonproliferation to trade.

We Believe:
That although the old model is no longer an accurate way of portraying the world, nation states have disparate quantities of power, influence and economic resources. We believe that with great power comes great responsibility, but that all nations must contribute what they can to global issues.

We Believe:
That in large part because of our globalized community, individual rights can no longer be measured by their primary effects alone, but must also be measured by their secondary and tertiary effects. What one can not do firsthand, one should not be allowed to do secondhand through consumption choices. We believe in hosting a new conference on human rights, and submitting legislation that protects the lives of those all over the world.

Breaking News: Bethany and Charles Rendezvous Again

Bethany and Charles Shaw were spotted together last night, seemingly entranced with each other's company. "I love Charles," said Bethany. "I don't see him nearly enough."

A source very close to the two claims that later in the lady's room, Bethany confessed, "He's ok, but I can do better." When asked if that was elitist, Bethany quipped back, "You're going to judge me? Chuck will go with anyone. It's not like he has a reserved quality."

The source, who happened to be in Shaw's company the night before, agreed. "He has a surprising body under there. No wonder so many people keep going back."

When asked how he felt about it, Mr. Shaw replied, "Let's be honest--I just want to make as many people as happy as possible."

Well Charles, you did make another woman happy--at least for tonight.

Love v. Respect

It's a theme I've heard from two people in two days: love versus respect.

According to my male friend, "Women crave unconditional love. Men crave unconditional respect."

According to my sister, "Love is easy to come by. Respect takes a long time to earn, and it's more easily shattered. Relationships can subsist on love, if they must, but relationships thrive on respect."

Since it seems that my sister would disagree with my friend (after all, if she claims that relationships thrive on respect, why would a woman want respect less than love?) I propose an inquiry into what these two might mean by "love" and "respect," and see whether or not either of these claims have something to tell us about our own relationships.

Women crave love; men crave respect: How we are to think about the words "Love" and "Respect"? Are they nouns or verbs--if people want them, do they want to be the recipients of an essence (noun) or an action (verb)? If women want to know that they are loved unconditionally, this might be different from wanting to receive unconditional love, depending on whether they think of love as an essence or as an action.

Frederick Nietzsche once spoke about problematic character of words using this sentence: "Lightening strikes." This is redundant, for what is lightening if not the strike? What is love if not the action accompanying it? And how about respect?

I am of the opinion that if somebody wants to feel Loved or feel Respected, they want to feel themselves a recipient of an action associated with the idea of love or respect. If seen in this light, we then have to ask ourselves what the difference between the action of love and the action of respect entails. Is love a lavish display of affection, while respect is a more quiet act of approval?

What of the claim that it is easier to get love than respect?

This question has gotten too big for me to answer. I want your opinions:
What is love?
What is respect?
Do you think women want one while men want another? Do they want the same thing but use a different word?
Is there a quality to respect that makes it more desirable than love for a strong relationship? Can a relationship subsist on love while lacking respect? How about vice versa?